Of Models and Mentoring

This past Saturday was a fundraiser concert for the Chorus School’s Levels I and II.   SFGC board members make opening remarks at these events, and this year’s board speaker was Natasha Hoehn, who is not only a board member, but also an alumna.  In speaking about the profoundly positive influence SFGC has had on her life, and her development as a young woman, Natasha acknowledged the role of our Chorus School Director, Beth Avakian, whom she described as “her mentor and friend.”

Then on Saturday night, I came across the film Mona Lisa Smile on tv.  I had never seen it, having read some pretty bad reviews, and I’ve never been a big Julia Roberts fan anyway, but it hooked me.  For those who don’t know, it’s the story of an independent woman who teaches art history at a WASPy East Coast college in the 1950s, and proceeds to shake things up, teaching her students to think for themselves about art, and about their lives as women.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be mentored, and to mentor others.  In recent weeks, I have really missed the influence of two strong women who gave me guidance and direction. At my first real job at Carnegie Hall in the late 80s, I had the privilege of working for a woman who personally embodied both power and authority, and great warmth.  This combination made her an extraordinary role model and leader. Tragically, she died of cancer in the prime of her life and work, and hardly a week goes by when, in facing a challenge, I don’t ask myself “What would Judy do?”
 
Another friend was my mentor in all things socially correct.  Although she became the black sheep of her ultra WASPy family, as a young girl she attended boarding school in Connecticut with the likes of Jacqueline Bouvier, and learned all about minding her Ps and Qs there.  If I ever needed to know what to wear (basic black is best), whether to send a thank you note (almost always), or even what to write, Rawn had the answer.  I also learned one of the guiding principles of my life from her, as she had heard it from her acting teacher Sanford Meisner, while attending the Neighborhood Playhouse school in New York City.   Mr. Meisner was quoted as saying “Nothing matters but the work,” and ultimately, I agree.  While my friend and guide has been gone for two years now, her influence remains always.

In many ways, I believe that life and work are more difficult for American girls and women today than in earlier decades. That may shock some, but with all that women have gained since the 1960s, a heavy dose of perfectionism and many unrealistic expectations have been dumped into the mix. Even in middle age, we need the guiding light of other women to show us how to make our way professionally and personally.  It’s really hard to go it alone. But it’s also our responsibility to make sure we’re modeling the best attributes of feminism – independence, strength, self-awareness, integrity, compassion (among many others), in mentoring the next generation.

Here at SFGC, the “work” that matters is music, but the influence of our programs (and our faculty and staff) is broader than that.  I fervently hope that we are doing our best to guide the girls at the center of our “work” into becoming the strong, courageous and confident women of the future.    

“But if you never try you'll never know/Just what you're worth/Lights will guide you home/And ignite your bones/And I will try to fix you.”- from Fix You by Coldplay